you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
