You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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