She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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