Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize