I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
