If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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