No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
