You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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