Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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