there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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