He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
