worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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