And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
