If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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