i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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