We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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