took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
