I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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