so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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