i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
