I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
