That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
