im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
