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Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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