we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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