Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
