dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
