the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
