I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
false alarm, still single
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize