Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Still dying that you shit outside
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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