What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
