You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
