Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
