Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
