yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
