Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The best revenge is premature balding
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
