Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
