I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
