guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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