come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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