Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
