A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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