Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
