We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come share oat with me in your robe
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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