I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
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My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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