You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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