wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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