we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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