he wants to bone in the snuggie
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
