I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize