hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
