In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
