My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
