Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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