It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
