I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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