I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
