I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He better not be in your backpack
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
