I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
