Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
