i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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