I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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