I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
