I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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