definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
