if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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