Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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