my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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