Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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