Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
