Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
