it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
