I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
