Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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