He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
